Love as a construct: my theory on the hierarchy of love
I am an INFP on the Myers Briggs Test which talks about Personality Types and which we had done while at IIM. For those who haven’t taken the test or heard of it, I recommend doing so for introspection and self analysis if one has those propensities. Since I experience emotions pretty intensely, I write on the basis of what I have learnt from my own life which might resonate with a few but is definitely not the gospel truth. I do not have any expertise in behavioral sciences or psychology. But I am at a stage in life where I would like to share my views at least with the captive audience that constitute my friends here on Facebook. With those caveats out of the way here goes:
I would categorize love into the 5 phases or levels where there is progression from Phase 1 to Phase 5 in different phases of an individuals life and the shape is pyramidal (see the enclosed diagram) because I believe fewer people experience love under the level 3 to 5 categories with experiences under 1 and 2 being nearly universal.
Phase 1/Level 1: Self love
There is an anecdote about King Bimbisara quoted by Goenkaji in his lectures during the 11 day meditation retreat held at the Vipassana Kendras round the world. In the story, the king one day had a question for his wife, the queen and he asked her who she loved the most in the world. She, being a very wise woman, took some time from him to mull over the question. She came back to him after a couple of days and told him that it was her conclusion that she loved herself the most in the world. The king was not surprised by the answer and told the Queen that he had reached the same conclusion himself.
A person loves another person who helps him or her in fulfilment of his or her dreams or desires. This is an extension of self love. There is aversion or hatred toward any person who is an obstacle in attainment of one’s dreams or desires.
Every person constructs a beautiful image of oneself in one’s own mind. In most cases, this mental construct is largely divorced from reality. This mental image of oneself is normally never at fault and externalizes blame for everything that goes wrong in one’s life and attributes disproportionate credit to oneself for everything that goes right in his or her life. Every person, barring cases with psychological issues, is in madly in love with the mental image that he or she has constructed about oneself in one’s mind. Self love is a given and is the base level for love and is hardwired into us since birth.
Phase 2/Level 2:Familial/Filial love: Love for family, friends and companions
The mother child (parental) love is hardwired and programmed by evolution and genes but is also a biochemical effect of vasopressin and oxytocin. This biochemical effect also works in case of companionship between spouses in mature years post the romantic love phase. The friendship between family members and friends too fall under this phase of love and most human beings experience this phase or level of love.
Phase 3/Level 3:Love between Partners which is essentially romantic
Under Romantic love one could have lust and attraction between human beings which is largely driven by the hormones Testosterone and Estrogen for the former and Dopamine, and Serotonin for the latter. There is also Norepinephrine and Adrenaline in the mix which make Romantic love a combo effect of 6 potent chemicals. Romantic love is like Corona in the sense that it takes over a person’s body and mind for a while and then gradually fades away leaving a physical impact on all the organs of your body besides impacting your mind. It’s Psycho-Socio-Bio-Physio-Chemical in nature and a response generated by the brain and the mechanisms of the body to external stimuli. Romantic love in comparison to the Level 1 or 2 categories is pretty intense and involves hundreds or thousands of hours that are involved in human beings life on finding love and the entire process of wooing, falling in or out of love and/or marrying or breaking up etc.
Phase 4/Level 4: Love for creations of human beings (self or by others)
A) Love for one’s own creations:
For example in my case I consider myself as a parent of my entities and I have the same kind of attachment for them as a mother would have for her children. If someone attached electrodes to my brain and asked me questions in relation to my entities the above could be validated through a CT or an MRI scan which would light up the same centers in the brain as a parents when asked queries about their offspring(s).
Anyone who supports and plays an active role in the growth and nurture of these entities naturally enjoys my attachment/affection and whoever doesn’t do enough by the same logic is not regarded with as much affection.
This love for ones creations holds for entrepreneurs (Edifice Complex), artists, sculptors(Pygmalion and Galatea), writers, musicians, scientists, mathematicians, architects and all kinds of people who create something in their mind and get it manifested in the physical world in one form or the other.
B) Love for creations of other human beings:
1.Objects:
It is possible for very deep feelings of love by a human for objects including but not limited to machines including robots, artificial intelligence generated personalities and so on. There would be a Dopamine and Serotonin involvement here in the relevant parts of the brain though not so much the other hormones.
2.Entities:
A human being is capable of hating as well as loving abstract entities like corporations too. The trick for large corporations is to ensure that they are loved and continue holding affection of their clients as most of the extraordinary ones would have when they began their journey in a garage or as small shop or food serving place or any small enterprise. Among the very large corporations only folks like Apple and Tesla seem to have pulled off this now holding the love and affection of hundreds of thousands of its clients as well as acquiring gigantic scale. The consumer normally sees large corporations as nameless, faceless, compassionless and ruthless so naturally they don’t inspire feelings of love as some of the more exceptional ones do.
Phase 5/Level 5: Love for God/nature and all of creation
The 5th phase or level of love is interesting in the sense that it is love for God/nature and all of creation including human beings and otherwise. This kind of love would happen in a person who is spiritually evolved and great masters like Buddha Jnaneshwar, Sri Sankaracharya, Vivekananda, Sri Aurobindo, Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and some others who walked this earth as great sages and seers were paragons of human beings who loved one and all. But this feeling is experienced by multitudes of other nameless and faceless human beings too who do their bit to serve creations of mother nature and God in their own small ways. For these type of individuals, it could be hypothesized that they would have little or no interest in the other phases or levels of love which are trivial experiences as compared to the all encompassing, transcendental and universal feeling of love at this level. This may also mean that they may seem short on the love and affection for their own individual family members and friends.
From 1 to 4 Phases, I guess a person’s mind can switch effortlessly from self love to love for a family members, partner and even own or others creations So it can exist in 4 phases or levels of love at the same time. When one is at phase or level 5, the first four phases fade into meaninglessness and an individual’s mind is full of love for God/Nature and all of creation. In the hierarchy of love in the first four phases there are exceptions of people who have psychological challenges and issues but it is my guess that anyone who would reach the level five would not have these kind of issues before which he or she can get there. Some folks may remain stuck at the basic phase 1 and never experience any of the others phases or levels of love.
As I grow older, I find myself at an intersection between the level 4 and 5 of love and the mind is getting filled with love and wonderment for God’s creations and there is a renewed drive to try and serve others to the best of one’s abilities. I have very few or negligible personal dreams or desires. My only dreams and desires are in relation to my entities, their growth and the changes they would make in lives of large numbers of people in their chosen areas of work.
Hierarchy of Love
